Before I begin, I have to say that I have been interested to find out the answer to this question even before college. God's love so simple. The story of Jesus Christ - the death on the cross because he so loved his people. There are just so many ways to experience this unconditional love. Maybe its the gospel song that cuts so deeply into our hearts, the welling of something deep within us - so unexplainable, surreal but evidently felt each time we close our eyes, hold hands and tear down that bold outward appearance we carry with us everyday. We crave it, almost like a drug, a panacea for our daily worries. We run fanatically towards it because it brings us much happiness and peace. So it is the spirit stirring in our hearts I am told. I am curious, I want to find out more. I read the bible. The word of God that is so sacred. "I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety." (Psalms 4:8) What harm will befall us if we have much trust in this God? In this life or after - where there is a promise that we know cannot be broken. We are so assured and we can be confident to do all things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Now, what about the self? It doesn't seem to matter. I want to do all things to love others. For I get the direct love from Christ who strengthens me. I am puzzled. Deeply puzzled. My faith is an ascetic one. I am told to restrain from the things of this world. Through prayer and fasting, I deny my body so as to gain a greater intimacy with my creator. Maybe it becomes an irrational one, and my mind races ahead of what my body tells me. I am so addicted to his love that nothing seems to matter anymore. My senses are heightened and I feel the pain and suffering around me more evidently. I tell myself that I need to do something for this person, that person. Even if my body deteriorates, does it matter? I will listen to no one but signs from Heaven. If God is telling me something I need to act on it. Everything is moving so fast. I am indulging myself in God's love. I am a Christian hedonist. When you love your enemies and then they turn around and love you. How do you react? Do you indulge in this love? And then, you want to do more. You say, he knows God now, I need to move on. Save one more for Jesus. This I must. I need to portion my time and resources to others. The harvest is plenty but the workers few. So there is a goal to my endeavors now. I am partially doing it for myself. But the joy of seeing others gaining salvation - what is wrong with having an agenda then? So is love selfish? I have to shun earthly love - the care and concern that people around shower upon me. I ask again, should I indulge in this love knowing that I should seek him more and directly experience Jesus Christ in me through the word and music. I think that the human mind cannot comprehend this amazing love of God. The love we show one another falls short of godly love. We cling to things. Theoretically speaking, God's love transcends all earthly comforts. Is it wrong for me to relish in the love of my brothers and sisters then? I know I have to be away from the eyes of the world then.

posted by iambrianfu [ 10:51 AM ] |