Due to some programme Dean installed.. my GOOGLE, Msn, blog.. whatever web stuff.. its all in Chinese.
Look at the headings below the words 'hear me'...



anyway...
the tempo for today was like a bullet train that was increasing from a halt to 300 km/h.
Today, work was so sedately cuz i didnt have my terminal. it was kinda torturous siting in the middle of the isle waiting for Songs to come out and move me aside. and there would be Jane and her frequent trips to the toilet/water cooler so i had to adjust my seat accordingly so as to ensure the movement of traffic, chairs, pple, visitors, chaokengs, fogeys, majors, on-lookers.

i have been sleeping all the way back from work for as long as i can remembr. rushed home, slept for around 45mins and rushed off to opposite Vj to give tuts.
then went to gramps cuz i felt kinda bad not visiting her last sat.
what was i doing then... hrm.. playing soccer.. playing dota.. reaching home late that night.. not a very good excuse for not seeing me ole' grampss
came home and did some crunches .. working those abs baby and chunking up on those carbo.
say it after me.. pump carbo.. PUMP CARBO.
tts the way man. then i had some milk, bread and two eggs. thats a total of good calories and proteins for my 2 days of workign out

sometimes i find my life's so much like a roller coaster.. it swings up and down .. much beyond my control. i feel so free.. free as in carefree.. all the freedom. then sometimes, i feel so aggrieved. like when things just goes a centimetre of my liking and i start thinking that my life's so screwed up. like ... 'what am i doing man.. screw ns.. wasting me hell time'

then there i good days when the sun is warm but not too warm .. and i bask in the glowing sun on bus rides on sat or sun mornings... and i feel so welling with satisfaction. like things couldnt get better. like every passenger boarding the bus is nodding and smiling to me. feels like the cab driver forgets to charge me for my 7bucks ride to tut's house (which nv happens by the way). feels like i just recollected some beautiful memory in my mind that i can stop, pause, review the moments. and repeat the process all over again.. spinning over and over again like a giant top in my mind that doesnt stop and i have perfect control over what i wanna think or feel.

i dont really know why i have been blogging lately. i thought it was kinda lame to beginning chronicle-ling all my thoughts. i thought it ought to feel like a crooning schoolboy lost in his fantasy or love-sick boat. but now that im doing it and writing at 50 million words per seconds, it feels like im poring some stuff out of myself. i dont really know how to describe it.. its an incorruptible feeling of candor and unmapped-out-thoughts that is in quite a frenzy and haphazardly arranged. i just dont know.

then i pick up the papers and read the news. says tooks' sentenced to death . which was many days ago and i know ive read that papers before. time has lost its quintessence. like it has stopped for a good reason for me to pause and reflect on my doings. the newspaper loses its dates. its like a giant machinery of state propaganda that flows into my mailbox everyday.. and i just enjoy reading the papers and scrunitizing all the interesting articles. much less know who the writer was, where it came from, what its purpose was.. but i just read the papers . i dont have the time to do it consistently day in and out
i do read the bible everyday. and its a daily habit that i am begining to cultivate. i pick up the black book everytime i finish my bath because i know tts one of the best times of the day. im clear about my thoughts and i know what im reading about. then when i lay on my bed at night, i see if these recurring phrases/ words of wisdom draw relevance in my daily life and whether god has this message to me that just strikes me before i surrender to sleep
i am going to keep this habit for as long as it last . it gives me a sense of purpose in life and a knowing that im examining my life everyday. i want to be a better person each day . i recollect my flaws and try to improve them the next day

this just sounds so funny..

posted by iambrianfu [ 12:32 AM ] |

5 minutes to 5 am

I love Dean. He's sleeping on my bed now with the lights all on and his two furry friends are standing guard beside him. He is a really funny child. He doesnt do the typical stuff someone his age does. He hasnt played toys in his life. He doesnt fight with other kids.. maybe cuz he doesnt have anyone to fight with at home. or maybe this made him a little anti-social.but i think he's all right and has lots of friends who look up to him at school. He's a really smart boy. hardworking, motivated and serious. Deanie told me he's taking his Gifted test this weekend. i think he'll make it through. he just finished his CA today and boy was he happy.

After going out with tiff, i have been talking to mum alot about family and stuff. my family's quite atypical , come to think of it. its so big.. Dean is so small.. and Albert's already in Uni. my parents are 48 and 54. Clara's schooling, and has been schooling for as long as i can remember. i stopped schooling, only to do my national service. it seems like a gigantic hiatus to me.. a stop from the hectic/eventful school life that i have lived and come to enjoy over the last 10plus years of my life. and now, deanie is gonna go through the same painstaking steps of childhood, youth, adolescence, teenage that i have tumbled through. it's really funny to experience childhood and all this growing up again, just looking at dean and enjoying vicariously as he recounts to me his day .. and what his thinking about school.. about his priorities and life.

today's work was non-hectic.. i took a AM halfday leave cuz i went to jiak kim late till early the previous day. it wasnt the most enjoyable: firstly, because i didnt know how to do those Mambo jambo actions, and secondly, because it was madly crammed. i cant how people can enjoy clubbing if it remains packed like this week in week out. cant even find a personnel space to move my arms man..
i played soccer today. with our branch head and all the other lazy clerks and unoccupied project officers. i guess it turned out to be quite fun after all.. playing on the soccer court did help a lot cuz my weak stamina wasnt good enough for me to go running up and down the field.

im going to sentosa later .. around 2pm to help up with the Army Half Marathon training. then, its going to tuts and sleeep again
ahhhhhh... the weekend
gooooood

posted by iambrianfu [ 4:49 AM ] |

well.. this two weeks has been full of pleasantries...
the smile on my face just says sooooo.. yippieee

lehmi tell u a little story about my little story with god.
i went for the alpha course. there was this lesson.. the speaker was saying he kept a notebook of all his wishes with god. he was a good christian. he was a preacher. he said when he takes a look at all the check boxes on this little notebook, the number of ticked columns out-numbered the non-ticked ones.

i was skeptical. it didnt sound very convincing.

i played a dumb game. so i told god... father u work miracles. show me miracles.
and i named 3 things that mattered to me at that time

come to think of it.. its kinda lame.. haha
1)gimme tuteesss
2)gimme a scholarship
3)gimme a chance to go out with a nice girl

.......................................
and he said OK.

.......all was fulfilled.

just like that


just like that....

posted by iambrianfu [ 11:14 PM ] |