Before I begin, I have to say that I have been interested to find out the answer to this question even before college. God's love so simple. The story of Jesus Christ - the death on the cross because he so loved his people. There are just so many ways to experience this unconditional love. Maybe its the gospel song that cuts so deeply into our hearts, the welling of something deep within us - so unexplainable, surreal but evidently felt each time we close our eyes, hold hands and tear down that bold outward appearance we carry with us everyday. We crave it, almost like a drug, a panacea for our daily worries. We run fanatically towards it because it brings us much happiness and peace. So it is the spirit stirring in our hearts I am told. I am curious, I want to find out more. I read the bible. The word of God that is so sacred. "I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety." (Psalms 4:8) What harm will befall us if we have much trust in this God? In this life or after - where there is a promise that we know cannot be broken. We are so assured and we can be confident to do all things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Now, what about the self? It doesn't seem to matter. I want to do all things to love others. For I get the direct love from Christ who strengthens me. I am puzzled. Deeply puzzled. My faith is an ascetic one. I am told to restrain from the things of this world. Through prayer and fasting, I deny my body so as to gain a greater intimacy with my creator. Maybe it becomes an irrational one, and my mind races ahead of what my body tells me. I am so addicted to his love that nothing seems to matter anymore. My senses are heightened and I feel the pain and suffering around me more evidently. I tell myself that I need to do something for this person, that person. Even if my body deteriorates, does it matter? I will listen to no one but signs from Heaven. If God is telling me something I need to act on it. Everything is moving so fast. I am indulging myself in God's love. I am a Christian hedonist. When you love your enemies and then they turn around and love you. How do you react? Do you indulge in this love? And then, you want to do more. You say, he knows God now, I need to move on. Save one more for Jesus. This I must. I need to portion my time and resources to others. The harvest is plenty but the workers few. So there is a goal to my endeavors now. I am partially doing it for myself. But the joy of seeing others gaining salvation - what is wrong with having an agenda then? So is love selfish? I have to shun earthly love - the care and concern that people around shower upon me. I ask again, should I indulge in this love knowing that I should seek him more and directly experience Jesus Christ in me through the word and music. I think that the human mind cannot comprehend this amazing love of God. The love we show one another falls short of godly love. We cling to things. Theoretically speaking, God's love transcends all earthly comforts. Is it wrong for me to relish in the love of my brothers and sisters then? I know I have to be away from the eyes of the world then.

posted by iambrianfu [ 10:51 AM ] |

Prayerful week. Thank God for revelation and faithfulness

Psalm 90

Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You turn men back to dust,
saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."
For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning-
though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.
We are consumed by your anger
and terrified by your indignation.
You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.
All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.
The length of our days is seventy years-
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to you servants,
your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us-
yes, establish the work of our hands.

posted by iambrianfu [ 5:26 AM ] |

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

posted by iambrianfu [ 1:07 PM ] |

The BEST thing that happened to me here in Berkeley so far...

posted by iambrianfu [ 2:57 AM ] |

Wisdom

"My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."
Pro 2:1-8

Wow

posted by iambrianfu [ 5:00 PM ] |

Addicted to Christ.

My walk has been full of ups and downs. Each time I thought I'd stray away, I was being drawn closer. Like a lesson that was constantly being retold. Christ was patient and continued to unravel the epic novel, the story of myself to me. It's confusing and never easy. It's not easy because it's just so hard for this finite human mind to comprehend God's graciousness.

People who know me probably hear me say this many times over. Man is sinful. I'm guilty of trying to 'closet' Christ. By that, I mean that I put Christ in a box, only to take Him out on happy days. When things turn rough, He's back into the closet again. I think i'm just too caught up with the Singaporean form of Christianity. The pragmatic, Sunday-going form. Can you believe it, people just go to church to network. What is this, a marketplace?

"In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, " Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!""
John 2:14-16

So back to my Singaporean Christianity. I wouldn't say it's wrong. It's the the whole social make-up. People need to earn money, to get rich and raise children. They need to get to work at 9 and get home at 6. They need to get the children to school. They need to visit their parents on weekends. No time for other things.
Wanna go church this Sunday? No, cannot, busy.

Busy busy busy.
But exactly, what are we all busy with??
I'm busy too. I CAN be busy. but what for?

Luke 16:13
No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

This is the second time I'm seeing this verse no. You cannot serve God and Mammon. To tell you the truth, I'm kinda confused. Where does the Prosperity Message that I'm so caught up with fit in.

TBC...

posted by iambrianfu [ 3:36 PM ] |

As per the biblical letters, I guess I'd like to give thanks to God for providing me all the opportunities. It's awesome, and you'll never know how bad your life is till God shows you the bigger picture in life.

The people I meet, the connections, it's almost a fairy-tale. I remembered one Wednesday evening when I was so weary and had to go for small-group. We were sitting on the floor gathered in a circle. Rebi was going through a ppt slideshows. Of images. I remembered a zoomed-in picture of a citrus fruit, a seatbelt, a pencil-head...

The point is.. we only see the microscopic elements of our lives. After a couple of courses in philosphy and countless hours the last three semeseters sitting in my room pondering about the meaning of life; i've come to a conclusion. That human knowledge is constantly evolving, and God is the constant. This is so darn TRUE! Reminds me of the easter celebration where we were talking about Truth, Knowledge, God, Epistemology.

In logical fashion, I conclude that God loves me. (so much for discrete mathematics)

Now now... as I pound furiously on this trusty old keyboard. I can say that God has used the unhappy events in my life to show me how much he wants to use me. I just feel like a gazelle leaping out of a trench. I've nothing to lose now. It's all for God... my mom probably thinks im crazy. But what the hell? do I care? God's gonna touch her some day. And I know it..

I just feel so empowered this summer. Keeping myself occupied and meeting people who matter to me. I guess I dont spend too much time reflecting nowadays. I've been through that phase. It's about DOING things. To be active and not passive. To be engaging and to do things on the snap of the finger. That's how people are empowered, that's how we get things moving, that's what the boss wants, that's what I like to see, so that's gonna be my creed. It keeps me motivated too.

I thank God for the friends I've met. People who have rubbed both positively and negatively on me. These people are just the testimonies to my beliefs, and the truth in the Bible, albeit from my micro perspective. Then again, I dont think i'm wrong to justify these a posteriori beliefs. And if you want IN, I'm more than happy to guide you along and be your friend.

Join the Jesus club. It's the best fraternity with extensive global alumni. =))
And i'm serious.

I'm looking forward to Monterrey this weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn28aGYytxs

posted by iambrianfu [ 3:59 PM ] |

dear God, forgive me

posted by iambrianfu [ 8:45 PM ] |